For my audience of most likely two here are the thoughts from a wife and mother who is about to go crazy! Yup you are right crazy!!!! From what you ask? my children? my husband? my dog? well...not sure exactly myself but probably from all the above.
I wonder why moments like these happen. Possibly because every now and then some sorta chemical in our body that has held back for as long as it has begins to erupt. It's a frustration chemical a punching bag would be awesome!!! In my case I would consider myself a pretty mellow person. Laid back and easy going. I smile at myself when I'm able to control what could easily be an eruption moment with my kids. Patience from God is what gets me through a lot of these little moments when raising kids and trying to be a Proverbs wife. But as human no one is perfect and this is exactly what I struggle with.
Last night I wrote to some friends, brothers to be exact who are in another country serving God. Here is a little of what I wrote.
... I have felt lately this heavy burden on my heart about not being a perfect mom. Realizing no one is perfect, BUT still trying to grasp for somewhat of a perfect title. This is when your dad just really hit the nail for me and opened my eyes to what I have been struggling with and that's Idealism. What society has of this ideal perfect mom should be. All the pressures put forth onto this one job! I wish I could say that finally pen pointing my anxiety that my burden has lifted. It hasn't but I can say that my burden has shrunk! Yes, indeed I already feel lighter.
Society has been such a big issue for me. Tired of being somewhat conformed to this world. For a while I have felt God calling me to something. Dennis and I have talked about mission in our own field. Taking steps in getting more involved in Church. Striving to become debt free. All areas where society has major influence on. I am finally seeing more and more of society not directing my path but God. I have always known God directs my paths, but to finally tell myself society doesn't matter but God does is huge. I know I will have to remind myself this again and maybe even as early as tomorrow, but I strive to make this image of idealism fade. To finally open my eyes and see that God has something special in my plans and to see that those special plans are already unfolding. To see all my blessings and be encouraged more. To be okay with feeling weak knowing God will pick me
From this moment on I am challenging myself to only look to God's approval. Doesn't mean I don't need to hear positive, encouraging words from my husband or friends, but to know over all it's God who I'm living my life for. So for me I will strive to have my house clean but not perfect. I will strive to have my kids dressed and hair done & teeth brushed each day. I will strive to keep up with the laundry. I will strive to make 3 major meals a day for my family. But these are all things that I just enjoy doing and now realizing it's OK if they aren't accomplished on a day to day basis. I am still a good mom. I am still a good wife. Most importantly is to keep my eyes focused on Christ. To do all that I do for HIM. I pray that this year 2010 God really helps and sho
As I prepare to step onto uncharted territory with home schooling I pray that God gives me the strength. Gives me that peace in knowing I'm doing his will. He has a reason for everything and that in itself really encourages me!
So yes, I may have felt like I was going crazy and at times I think everyone does. I will always love my husband, and I will always love my kids. In fact I know God's not done giving us children and I can't wait to someday see all my blessings from Him. 2 out of 3 children can be heard crying quiet often at the same time, but what character building times for us all. Having Christ live in my heart helps in the times Idealism knocks at my door! Jesus breaks me free and only through Him do I have the strength to stand!